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thoughts from the g train (hoyt -> gp) - 2026/02/11

another rushed night, another post from the g train! this time i’ll be writing in the opposite direction; same rules as last time (i stop typing the moment the g train is at my stop).

i never ended up finishing the thoughts i had on the last g train ride, so i’ll use this as an opportunity to continue that discussion. as a refresher, last g-train we talked about the desire to attain as much info as possible in a (constantly failing) attempt to satisfy my anxiety. that being said, i feel it’s so much harder to write about a feeling that you’re not currently experiencing— i doubt i’ll be able to do this topic justice.

i have a few possible explanations as to why i may get so obsessed with gathering as much info as I can on the source of my anxiety. firstly, i think this is just canonically an OCD symptom. developing compulsive obsessions in states of anxiety is pretty much the whole deal, and the ways that manifest into the symptoms you most likely associate with the disorder. for example, washing hands over and over to the point the skin is raw is an obsessive compulsion to deal with the anxieties of germs/disease (this one has hit me particularly hard ever since i got pink eye and a corneal ulcer back to back a few months ago). while this is very much so the “correct” explanation, i don’t find it particularly satisfying. for one, i don’t find that it actually explains the mechanism as to why i have that response. sure, it may be due to some fucked up wiring, but it hardly tells me why my brain seeks to address the anxiety through useless repeated action as opposed to depression/apathy. beyond that, i think it also doesn’t account for the many people who don’t have ocd that still experience this symptom. many “normal” people will still try to gain as much info on uncomfortable topics such as an ex, grad school admissions processes, or irreversible chronic conditions, even if that additional info doesn’t improve their condition. finally, offloading the psychiatric nuances of obsession generally onto a condition deemed a disorder feels particularly dismissive of the real gravity these feelings have on people’s lives.

another possible explanation is that there’s

oh man the train is at an end here, this may be my worst post to date!!!!